Remember the heady days when you ran home from school to catch your favorite cartoon only to be bitch-slapped by the god of ironic television programming who replaced what you dearly loved with overtly moralistic tales about the real world? The dreaded After School Special. Tales of depression, addiction, terminal illnesses, abuse, and death. Who doesn’t cherish the memory?
Illiterite Theatre cherishes it. And we’re bringing it back. Maudlin tales of desperate confusion will be presented for your delight. Our goal? To help you realize that your shitty life isn’t nearly as shitty as it could be.
- Sports Injuries
Bobby juices in the bathroom and Sally knows it. Chad works hard to make the team. Coach likes the shorts you’re wearing. Dad drools from the bouts of brain injuries sustained in the AFL. Mom burns the potatoes. Roid rage. The local rivalry turns ugly and someone gets hurt. God and country find favor under the lights.
- Dangers of Teen Drinking
Sally wants to be cool at the party for the cute boy Paul. Dad drools his advice. Bobby teaches little sis how to drink like a man. Fate takes a hand when a prank phone call goes terribly wrong. Chad dresses like Richard Simmons. Great regaling in the cafeteria is cut short by a painful PA announcement.
- June’s Awakening
June has needs and her brain injured ex-Steeler husband can’t provide. At her PTA observation session, during the sex-education class, June realizes the virility pulsing through the Coach and other fine male role-models in the school administration. Chad explores fetishes and gets an erection in the pool. Sally is pregnant and Bobby must take her to the clinic.
- The Death Episode
Daddy’s days are numbered. Imprisoned in a wheel chair, bound inside an addled head that saw too many professional football games, something’s got to give. The reaper pays a call to the house and decides to stay for a while. Coach sees an opportunity in old memorabilia. Bobby’s no fool, he can see what’s going on, and he, Sally, and Chad must put a stop to all the nonsense.